


Pawns For Pearls

by Ratt9, Stormygio



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Character Death, Crimes & Criminals, Crying, Drama, Family, Family Drama, Family Secrets, God Complex, Mind Games, Multi, Oh My God, Police, Psychological Drama, Rivalry, Romance, Secrets, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Sibling Rivalry, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 16:01:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/358671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratt9/pseuds/Ratt9, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormygio/pseuds/Stormygio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sayu finds the Death Note before Light, she stubbornly claims it as hers to use. But she and Light both want to use the notebook for different purposes, causing a family feud that could prove disastrous for the both of them.</p><p>[***INCOMPLETE/ABANDONED***]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_I have this_

_recurring dream_

_of screams like_

_church bells dancing_

_over desert sand, stained_

_red with the lives_

_of lesser beasts…_

* * *

Sayu Yagami had never cared much for make believe.

The whirling magic hiding within her own marked words, gods running the world with their hands in their pockets—no, such things had never been for her, had never been a part of her world.

No, Sayu found solace in what was real, what she could see, what she could touch. Reality was her niche like fish were to the ocean, and it was better, always better.

Finding the murder notebook on the campus of Light's school had just been a casual matter that had managed to change everything.

Now she dared to line up her iridescent dreams against the wall, marking them off one by one with edge-less consequence as they each came true.

She had never expected that she would ever become so trapped in an endless circuitry of her own unbearable want, a crazed hunger that demanded to be satisfied. It wasn't as if she had wanted something so extravagant as to create the perfect world—that, of course, had been her brother's desire—she had only been trying to help the people she cared about.

At least, at first.

Then her ideas had expanded, but still not too far. They soon stretched to also cover herself. But it was always understandable. After all, don't all humans want to make themselves happy?

But what Light did...well,  _that_ had gotten out of hand. Though, seeing as how they had been working as some sort of a tag-team, perhaps that, too, had been her fault.

From within her jail cell, waiting for her execution, Sayu wonders if there had ever been a time during all of this that she had wholeheartedly regretted picking up that notebook that morning, taking it for herself out of a place she wasn't even supposed to be to begin with.

Of course. Of course she had.

She had regretted it standing over the graves of all the people who were dead because of her and Light.

 _(_ Light, who had had just as much a hand in the murders and all the events that followed, but was smart enough to avoid arrest. Sayu's only hope was that he was still doing okay. _)_

But here, here awaiting her own death? Could she honestly say she regretted any of it?

She didn't want to die—she really didn't—but she would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Maybe.


	2. Footnote to a Scream

Sayu climbed the wide, concrete staircase on her way to Light's classroom, hoping that she wouldn't be disturbing anyone too much if she quietly walked in. She was ditching class; she had borrowed one of Light's books the night before so that she could finish writing a research paper, but had then forgotten to return it to him. Not wanting to chance the possibility that he might need it for one of his classes, she had decided to sneak off campus and return it to him. After all, his school wasn't too far away from her own.

Light was currently in a language class—she had checked with the people in the school office—and judging by the time, it should be more than just halfway over. Having found his classroom, Sayu briefly double-checked the number on the door before slowly cracking it open.

Standing in the doorway, Sayu hastily whispered across the room to catch Light's attention, gesturing for him to walk over to her. Although the teacher had ignored her in favour of continuing his lecture, she felt uncomfortable under the inquisitive stares of dozens of students much older than herself.

As Light wordlessly approached her, his classmates all seemed to lose interest in her, refocusing their attention to the blackboard at the front of the room. Sayu shifted her feet a bit, failing in her attempts not to seem as nervous as she felt.

"Sayu, what are you doing here?" Light asked her quietly, so as not to draw any attention back to them. "Why aren't you in school?"

Before she could answer him, Sayu noticed a small, dark object falling past the window behind her brother. Blinking, she tried to work out what she had just seen, or, at least, what she thought she had just seen. Had someone thrown something off the top of the roof? If so, why?

"Sayu."

At the sound of Light saying her name, she shook her head and refocused herself.

"Oh, that's right!" She quickly reached into her bag and pulled out the book she'd borrowed. "Forgot to give this back to you last night."

Taking the book from her, Light said, "Uh, thanks, but you really didn't need to waste all this time going out of your way to return it. But thanks anyway, though."

Sayu barely paid his words any attention, her curiosity beginning to get the best of her.

 _(_ What had fallen off the roof? What  _was_ it? _)_

Fearing that someone might pick up the fallen object before she was able to get to it—assuming that it hadn't just been a trick of the eyes caused by the sun reflecting off of the glass—Sayu was struck with a sudden sense of urgency, almost forgetting to mumble a quick farewell to her brother before dashing off.

* * *

Sitting inside of her bedroom that night, Sayu wondered why anyone would throw a notebook off the roof of a high school. All of the pages were blank—she had flipped through it to double-check—save for a few of the pages toward the beginning, which were written in English lettering.

Wishing she had been paying more attention in language class, Sayu turned on her computer and brought up a translation page.

She had no good reason to bother translating the English into Japanese, really, but she would have be lying if she said that she wasn't more than mildly curious as to what the pages might say.

She started with the two words on the cover of the notebook, which read  _Death Note._ She was pretty sure what the English word  _death_ meant, but she had to doubt herself, as it didn't really seem like the type of thing that would be written on the front cover of a notebook.

As she typed more and more words into the translator, she became increasingly more alarmed by what popped up on the screen.

_**Death Note** _

_**HOW TO USE IT** _

_**I** _

— _The human whose name is written in this note shall die._

— _This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his or her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected._

— _If the cause of death is writt_

She stopped right there, both annoyed and somewhat amused. This book was completely ridiculous. It was so obviously a prank that she didn't understand why the person who wrote it had even bothered putting any effort into making such a thing. Wanting to waste no more time (that could have been spent sleeping) on translating a prank notebook, Sayu yawned and shut off her computer's monitor, followed by her lamp.

 _Writing a name in a notebook to kill someone?_ she thought, crawling into bed and resting her head against her pillow.  _I can't think of_ anyone  _who would be stupid enough to believe something like that. I guess I'll just use it as a regular notebook; I've been needing one of those._

* * *

Two sleepless hours later, Sayu found herself back at her desk, Death Note open wide. There was something eating away at the back of her mind, something that refused to let her sleep and refused to go away.

 _Try the notebook,_ it was saying,  _try it._ _ **Try**_ _it. If anything, try it just to prove that you're right. Prove it. Prove that the entire thing is a hoax and completely ridiculous._

Though she was endlessly irritated at having to be reduced to this, the temptation to write a name in the notebook was so overpowering that it wasn't letting her sleep. For no other reason than to make herself feel better about the entire thing, Sayu told herself that she was only doing this to preserve her health, and for no other reason.

But what name should she write?

She immediately thought to write her mother's name down, because it would be easy to go and prove to herself that there was nothing special about the notebook, but it felt a bit too much like pointing a toy gun at a family member—it just wasn't something that you were supposed to do.

Instead, she decided to write the name of her teacher, Shiro Takahashi. He was the type of person who would probably laugh with her about a notebook containing such a stupid prank.

Internally laughing at herself, she took out a pen and wrote the words:

_Shiro Takahashi_

Closing the notebook and putting the pen away, Sayu once again turned out the lights and retired to her bed, satisfied.

* * *

_**Past midnight, breathing in the dark.  
Same strange friend comes to visit  
Never intend to open the door.  
You take it to places that no one's ever been  
You let it, you let it. Your insides caving in.  
You pushed and pulled, still wanting some more.** _

_**~The Used, "Meant to Die"** _


	3. Whispering a New World

_Back out of all this now too much for us,_

_Back in a time made simple by the loss_

_Of detail, burned, dissolved, and broken off_

_Like graveyard marble sculpture in the weather,_

_There is a house that is no more a house_

_Upon a farm that is no more a farm_

_And in a town that is no more a town._

_~Robert Frost_

* * *

Sayu had never meant to murder Mr. Takahashi.

She hadn't known that the notebook would actually do what it said it did. She hadn't, she hadn't—she  _swears_  she hadn't.

She could never have known. How could she? How could—?

No, she couldn't have. It could have happened to anyone, and it wasn't her fault.

Not her fault.

But it didn't matter. Her blood was still ice and she couldn't stop shaking and her heart was hammering hard against her chest and she was trying hard not to start hyperventilating and have a massive meltdown in the middle of the classroom.

_(What a mess I am. What a mess I am in.)_

Everyone in her class was all so sure that their teacher had died from natural causes—they hadn't even questioned what they had been told. Sayu couldn't stand it.

_(She was guilty she was guilty she was guilty SHE WAS GUILTY.)_

How could they be so ignorant? Shiro Takahashi had been a thin man in his early thirties—certainly not the type of person who would suffer a spontaneous heart attack.

When the news had first been broken, the girls covered their dropped jaws with their hands and the boys tried to hide their surprise, but now twenty minutes had passed and everyone was busying themselves with their work under the phlegmatic eye of the stand-in teacher, life going on as if nothing had happened, nothing was wrong.

 _(_ As if nothing were goddamn, fucking _wrong_. _)_

Only, everything was wrong. She had killed somebody, and despite her classmates' willing acceptance of the circumstances surrounding the man's death, Sayu felt as if there were a giant sign taped to her forehead with the words engraved, "IT WAS ME."

Finally, when Sayu could take it no more, she asked the stand-in for a pass to go to the restroom, and never returned.

Instead, she ran. Ran off-campus, all the way to Light's school, wondering only once she'd stopped to catch her breath what she was even doing there.

Bent over with her hands on her knees and almost in tears, Sayu stared at the high school building and tried to work out what she was hoping to accomplish by going to Light.

Perhaps, she thought, it was because she had always felt safe whenever Light was nearby. He was her older brother, and he always looked out for her. Light was a genius, her genius, and, whether it was logical or not, she always had the notion in her head that Light could fix anything that ever went wrong for her.

Only, Light couldn't do anything now.

Which is why she ended up turning away from the school and instead began heading towards home.

When Sayu walked through the front door, Sachiko turned off the vacuum. "Sayu?" she said, questioningly, worriedly. "Sayu, is something the matter? Why are you home so early?"

Sayu realized she must look like a mess, with bloodshot eyes from withheld tears and sweat pouring down her face from running for so long. "Oh, just didn't feel well, Mom. I think I'm just going to go and lie down for a little while."

As she turned and started walking away to her room, her mother called after her, "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, thanks."

Sayu shut the door.

* * *

Sayu told her family that she wasn't feeling well enough to eat dinner with them. It was the partial truth, really—she had been feeling sick to her stomach ever since she first found out about her sensei's untimely death.

 _(_ Murder. _)_

She kept alternating between telling Light and not telling Light—she knew she needed to get it off her chest, but her mother would be horrified and her father could send her to prison. However—Light…well, he might just help her. After all, Light was Light and Light always knew what to do.

When she heard him coming up the stairs—returning from dinner, no doubt—she thought furiously about whether or not she would do this.

His door clicked shut.

Sayu knew that he was very busy studying for his final exams, but she  _needed_ to do this. She couldn't keep carrying around this burden of  _knowing_ , being the only one who knows the truth.

Slipping out from under the covers, Sayu padded softly across the wooden floor, and then knocked softly on Light's door.

"It's open," came his voice, so she turned the door handle and pushed against the door until it opened just enough for her to walk through. She shut it behind her, locking it.

Light was sitting at his desk, reading over some books. When she entered, he looked up and turned his chair to be facing her. The toes of his socked feet rested against the flooring.

"L-Light…" she started, before he had the chance to say anything. Her voice was quivering and the back of her eyes burned even though she had sworn earlier that she was not going to let herself get emotional because she had to stay strong and Light would make everything okay again.

"Light…" she rasped again, staring at his concerned face with a trembling lip. She took a step forward, and then another, and another, until she was all but sitting on his lap with her face pressed against his shoulder.

He ran his fingers through her hair, tenderly and slow in a way that drove Sayu crazy. She was a murderer; she didn't deserve any compassion or sympathy.

"What's the matter, Sayu?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, too ashamed to even be able to look at her brother. "I…I did s-something r-r-really bad…" she finally managed to choke out, fighting the water pushing against her eyes with everything she had.

A sniff.

"What did you do?"

He was rubbing her back, now. She wanted to tell him to stop but her body was reveling in the comfort he was offering.

 _(_ Sometimes she hated herself. _)_

"I—I k-killed somebody."

A few tears leaked from her eyes, then, but she managed to stop them and hid her face in Light's chest.

The hand stroking her back stopped moving. Sayu prepared herself for the worst.

"You…what are you talking about? Sayu?"

When Sayu failed to respond, Light repeated her name a second time, holding her out at arms—length. Sayu hated the horrified expression on her brother's face. She never wanted to have to see it again.

She was shaking, she knew, and she wished Light would stop staring at her. She kept her head turned away.

"Th-there was a notebook…and…it said that if you wrote a name in it the person would die, but I didn't believe it, and oh, god, I was thinking about writing down Mom's but I wrote down my teacher's and he was dead and I don't know what to do and I turned to you because you—"

"Wait, wait," Light interrupted, removing one of his hands from her arm. "I can barely understand you. Slow down. You're saying that a notebook does this?"

Sayu was sure a few more tears had escaped, but she ignored them and nodded twice, holding back a sob. She looked like an emotional wreck.

"May I see this notebook of yours?" Light requested, his tone a bit lighter.

God, no. Sayu could tell he didn't believe her.

"S-sure…it's in my room," she said, nevertheless. She held on to him with both arms as she led him into her room, whimpering somewhat pathetically. She couldn't help it.

"It's right there, on my desk," she whispered to him, pointing to it with her finger.

Sayu watched as Light picked up the killing notebook, flipping through the pages.

"You say this actually works?" he asked, scrutinizing the name she had written.

Sayu nodded. "Y-you won't tell Dad on me, right?"

Sayu didn't like the way her brother's face was lighting up.

"What? No. But, Sayu. Just think about what we could use this for. We could stop crime, we could maybe make the world a better place—!"

" _What?_ " she shrieked, snatching the notebook away from him. "No! We can't use the notebook any more, Light. Killing isn't going to make the world a better place."

Her brother seemed suddenly to her like a monster. How could he possibly propose something like this? It was… _horrible_. In a way that she had never thought her brother was even  _capable_ of.

"Out, out," she muttered sternly, shooing Light out of her room in a most juvenile fashion. "The notebook is mine. I found it. Now, out."

Sayu locked the door behind him.


	4. From The Shadows

The next day, Sayu feigned sickness to avoid going to school. It wasn't very difficult to pull off. She waited until her mother was out of the house buying groceries before emerging from her room, Death Note in hand. She didn't know what she was doing with it, really—probably nothing—but for some reason, something told her to keep it with her.

She ran into Light in the hallway. Quite literally, actually. She hadn't been looking where she was going and had bumped into him.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Sayu gasped, feeling anger begin to rise as suspicion crept into her mind. She didn't have to be a genius to figure out that Light must have gotten the same idea and stayed home as well.

"Sayu," he said, his tone sounding more brotherly than it had the night before. He also was ignoring her question. "Sayu, I apologize for what happened last night, but I hope you realize that we can't just ignore this thing now. Whether we use it again or—"

"We _wont_ ," Sayu interrupted, abruptly.

"…Whether we use it again or _not_ —let me finish—we have to do something about this…this…whatever it is." He gestured toward the notebook Sayu was holding with one hand behind her back.

Sayu pouted, trying to mask her uncertainty. She felt deeply uncomfortable with Light talking like this.

"Do something? Like what? We can't go and _tell_ anybody; you promised!"

"I don't necessarily mean that," Light assured, "but we can't just do nothing."

"Y'know, if you don't want to do nothing, you could always just _use_ the notebook," a third, scratchy and unfamiliar voice sounded from the ceiling. Both siblings immediately whirled their heads around, attempting to locate where the voice had come from.

Sayu saw it first—it, _it,_ whatever it was—floating above them. It was like something straight out of a child's nightmare; the creature had an all-black body with a near-white face, with eyes that looked as if they were sporting some sort of creepy, wild mascara. Sayu couldn't be sure, but she thought there may have been a single, heart-shaped earring dangling from the side of its head.

She fucking _screamed_. Scrambling desperately in an attempt to escape the beast, she tripped backwards over Light's foot, landing herself on the floor. Sayu wasn't sure, but she thought that she heard Light scream, too. And what did the _thing_ do?

It laughed.

As if something were fucking _amusing_.

Illogically, and despite her terror, Sayu felt a certain anger flow through her. What the _hell_ was it laughing at? Didn't it realize how fucking _scary_ it was?

Her anger wasn't enough to make her act on anything, though, so she instead contented herself in cowering behind Light, who had also fallen to the floor but suddenly seemed a hell of a lot calmer than her.

"You're a Shinigami," Light whispered. A statement. Even without looking at him, Sayu could tell that her brother's eyes were very wide.

The thing laughed again. "The name's Ryuk," it said. "I'm the owner of that death note you have there." It pointed a long finger at the notebook, which had fallen to the ground when Sayu and Light had.

Light stood up, slowly, shakily. "I see," he muttered, as if to himself.

" _Do you want it back_?" Sayu cried, loudly, holding the notebook right out in front of her.

The thing—Ryuk—regarded her for a moment, before letting out another short laugh.

_(_ Why the fuck did it fucking _laugh so goddamn much?)_

"Not at all," it said, giving Sayu a start.

"Wh-what? But, why not? I mean, isn't that why you've come?"

"No, it belongs to you now," it said.

Light, who seemed to have been deep in thought for the past few seconds, asked, "What is your business here, then?"

"Well, I have to follow the owner of the note for as long as they are the owner," it explained.

What? But wait—if that thing followed her around, then that would mean huge trouble, right? Wouldn't it give away what she had done, as well as freak everyone out?

_(_ Understatement of the century, right there. _)_

"You can't do that!" Sayu exclaimed, forgetting about how frightening Ryuk was for just a moment.

"Hyuk, it's not as if anyone will be able to see me," it said, "except for those who have touched the death note."

Well, Sayu supposed that made sense. But, didn't that mean that now she would have to be followed around by a giant monster?

Sayu was about to protest further, but then Light began to speak. "Is there some way to stop being the owner?"

"Yup; you'd have to give up all of your memories regarding the note, though."

Sayu paled. It didn't take a genius to realize what her brother was thinking. If she ever gave up ownership of the death note, her brother could take it and use it to make a "better world" or whatever he had been going on about, and she wouldn't never even remember it. She realized that, however scary Ryuk may be, she would have to live with it in order to prevent her brother from turning into some sort of disillusioned murderer.

* * *

It had taken a couple of weeks, but Sayu had grudgingly come to the reluctant conclusion that Ryuk was _cute_. It was a bit like a pet, even—it loved being fed apples, and, in spite of Light frowning upon such behavior, she sometimes even let it eat from her hand. She came to regard it a bit like a tame lion or tiger; it often gave her a false sense of security, but would ever so often do something that would inevitably remind her of just how scary and wild it could be.

Ryuk often called her boring—she could tell that it wanted her to write another name in the notebook, and she would always eye Ryuk's personal death note and imagine it writing her own name in it. Nevertheless, and despite the possible danger in doing so, she continued to hold firm and refuse each time.

Present time, it was an hour until midnight, and Sayu was working hard on finishing her homework. Ryuk was floating, legs crossed, in the corner of the room, near her bed. Because of the late time, Sayu was surprised to hear a tapping at her window.

Ryuk's eyes focused on her with slight interest as she padded across the carpet and drew up the window blinds.

Opening the actual window, Sayu gasped. Her friend, Shoki, was outside, and she was bloody and bruised.

Sayu had known that Shoki struggled with her abusive parents, but she had never seen her friend looking this bad before. They lived only a short way away, so Sayu had told her once that if she ever needed a place to stay away from home for a night, she was always available.

Sayu quietly but hastily ushered her in.

Shoki was incredibly upset. They exchanged almost no words. Mutely, Sayu gestured for her to climb into bed with her, and Shoki obliged.

* * *

Sayu couldn't sleep. Not with Shoki lying there beside her all beaten. It just wasn't happening.

Something was clawing against the back of her mind.

It would certainly be better if Shoki's parents were dead, wouldn't it? Is that what Light had been talking about, when he had been going on about a perfect world? A world where her friends wouldn't be beaten by their parents and live with unfairness?

After lying there, sleepless, for near around two hours, Sayu had finally come to a conclusion.

Slowly, very, very slowly, she slid out from under the blankets of her bed, reached quietly into her desk, and, in much the same manner of a child worrying about getting caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar, pulled out the death note.

She began to write.

* * *

__**Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness**  
I need to calculate  
What creates my own madness  
And I'm addicted to your punishment  
And you're the master  
And I am waiting for disaster  
I feel irrational  
So confrontational  
To tell the truth I am  
Getting away with murder  
It isn't possible  
To never tell the truth  
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder.

_**~Papa Roach, "Getting Away With Murder"** _

* * *

~Ratt Kazamata, 3/27/2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [2.03.2016 NOTE:::] This story is really old and should be rewritten (or at the very least edited entirely) but I unfortunately don't have time for that at the moment. Maybe I'll fix it up one day, though.


	5. Darkness In Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on March 28, 2012.

_._

_I needed you there_

_But I didn't know what I'd become inside_

_I am a monster_

_Inside_

_I'm a disaster_

_Inside_

_It's getting colder_

_But I won't go until I say goodbye._

_**~Forty Foot Echo, "Monster"** _

* * *

The second time she killed, Sayu didn't feel quite as bad. Really, she didn't actually feel bad at all—just a twinge of horror here, a twinge of guilt there, but nothing to really be concerned about. Her cause this time was justified, and she was helping her friend.

In school that day, Shoki was called out of class. Sayu knew why, of course—someone needed to tell the girl of the fate that had befallen her parents. Despite herself, Sayu felt once again like everyone was able to see her guilt like some tangible thing written on her face.

Ryuk floating next to her served as a strange sort of safety net—some sort of reminder that if anyone ever did suspect her of anything, she could just as easily kill them.

 _(_ Wait, _what_? _)_

When had she started thinking like _that?_ Disgust flooded through her, and she only calmed down once she reassured herself that she would never actually do anything like that.

 _(_ Right? _)_

Right. That was just crazy talk.

What she _hadn't_ anticipated, however, was what happened afterward. Sayu found Shoki sitting on a bench outside of the school, eyes fogged over and looking about ready to cry.

Sayu approached her quickly. Wouldn't she be happy that her abusers couldn't hurt her anymore?

"Oh, Sayu—" she choked, and then broke down into sobs, arms wrapped tightly around herself. Sayu immediately reached out to her, enveloping her in a rather restricting embrace.

"M-my parents are _d-dead_ ," she wailed, tears pouring down her face. "They're _dead_ …" Her wobbly voice gave out and she couldn't speak anymore, was crying too hard to speak.

Sayu's blood ran cold. What had she done? "B-but…I thought that your parents were bad people," Sayu managed, in a high whisper, feeling like she was on the verge of a breakdown herself. "I thought you would _rather_ have them be dead."

Sayu felt Shoki shake her head. "They w-were still my parents," she howled, crying even harder now. "I l-loved them, and now I have to live with my uncle. Sayu, _Sayu_ …I don't _want to go with him, oh please_."

Sayu could do nothing but hold her friend. Disgust in herself was all she knew. Ryuk laughed, and Sayu wanted to hit him. She would have, too, if she hadn't had Shoki to deal with.

* * *

When Sayu got home that day, Light was waiting for her, sitting in her room. "What are you—" she began, but then saw that he was holding the death note in his hand. Sayu launched herself at him. What was he doing with that?

Light stopped her with a strong hand and a stern look. His expression was so intense that she actually stopped. "Your friend Shoki," he said, "you killed her parents." He clasped the death note shut with only one hand, not taking his eyes off of her.

Sayu paled and felt sick to her stomach. She needed some way to justify her actions. "Her—her parents were really bad people," she told him, shakily.

Light covered his face with his hand as if he didn't really know what to say. Finally, "What ever happened to not using the notebook anymore?"

Sayu looked away. "I thought it would make things better."

"And did it?"

Sayu examined the ground. "No." She felt tears pushing against the back of her eyes.

Light was silent, and Sayu really wished he wasn't. Anything would be better than Light's silence.

Finally, he broke the silence by saying, "You see, then, my motives—what I want to do. Sayu, see, we can _actually_ make things better, if you follow what I say. What you wanted to do for Shoki will actually be done for hundreds, maybe thousands of other people. We can make the world a better place with this thing."

What? He was still going on about that? But didn't he know that people love even bad people, like Shoki? Didn't he realize how hard Shoki had been crying after her abusers were dead?

"But, Light—"

Sayu shocked herself to discover that his idea didn't bother her as much as it used to. She had wanted to try it for herself, after all.

"Sayu."

Now it was Light's turn to surprise her, when he took her hand in his and said, "Sayu, please, just let me show you. We can make a better world together. I promise, nothing bad will happen."

 _(_ Light could promise that because Light was Light and Light could promise anything and it would be true. _)_

But how? People dying was a _bad_ thing.

But, Light had never mislead her.

After a long moment of hesitation, Sayu slowly clasped her free hand on top of Light's and whispered, "Yeah, okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm ever going to continue this. If I ever do decide to do something with it again, I would be removing this fic and just rewriting it entirely.
> 
> Thank you for reading, though!
> 
> [February 3, 2016]


End file.
